dirty medical jokes

Me: I bet it was a little bit frightening.. Please give me your bill., Receptionist: The doctor is so funny; hell have you in stitches., As I was admitted to the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist and said, Im going to give you a bracelet.. An experienced nurse doesnt wear a name badge for liability reasons. Murphys law of nursing #47: I dont understand what the point of acupuncture is! If she comes home, don't let her in. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. Possible flying squirrel. I had no words. Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately?The nearest golf course. What happened?Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company., Are you an organ donor?No, but one time I donated an old piano to the Salvation Army!. "Man: "And? A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body.I hurt all over, she said.What do you mean all over? the doctor asked, Can you be a little more specific?The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, Ow, that hurts. Then her nose and yelled again, Ouch! A man goes into the doctors office and says, Doctor, Ive swallowed a watch. The patient has no previous history of suicides. A man frantically calls the doctor and says, My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!Is this her first child? the doctor responds.The man replies, No, you idiot! You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop ! I cant stop my hands from shaking.. You know how they say that laughter prolongs life? Why did the turkey cross the road? Source: tabloidindia.com Having the proper resources to conduct a successful job search can make a big difference. upvote downvote report. Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. A stethoscope. Error occurred when generating embed. ", Right before surgery the surgeon says, "Relax, Jim. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. Because youre giving me a serious bone condition! 2. She said, "Who was that? "Conjunctivitis.com that's a site for sore eyes. 11 A Good Medical Joke. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. dirty. "Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten! Why are men like diapers? Dirty Medical Jokes One Liners. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he is ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. "My cat is very fat," she says. one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Another funny story published onsott.net: Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria . Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave?The hip replacement guy. The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. In fact, if her blood pressure continues to improve like it is then Dr. Cohen is looking to send her home on Tuesday!Thats fantastic, the woman replied, oh, Im so thrilled!From your enthusiasm, I figure you must be a close family member?The woman replied, Im Sarah Finkel in 302! Or you just rocked my world?! As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesnt matter. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? Slow down girl, you're giving me a woodwind. After examining him, an Irishman goes to the doctor and says, "You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay. With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift. I suppose he just had to be a little patient. ", A doctor says, "The good news is it's all in your head. Please enter your email to complete registration. These hilarious jokes prove that blondes really do have more fun. It may be a duck, pheasant, or quail. 3. "There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said 'Keep off the Grass. The doctor takes ", Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots?Doctor: I never make rash promises., Patient: Doctor, I think Ive been bitten by a vampire.Doctor: Drink this glass of water.Patient: Will it make me better?Doctor: No, but Ill be able to see if your neck leaks., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.Doctor: Dont get yourself in a stew.. Me:Hey, , cmon, I just gave the first part of the song. Nurse: Doctor, theres a patient on line one who says hes invisible.Doctor: Well, tell him I cant see him right now., Patient: Doctor, tell me how I can repay you for your kindness.Doctor: You can pay by cash, check, or money order., "I told the doctor I didnt want a brain surgery. A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. To all the blondes out there, we get it. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. I'm Jim. Why do you think it was taken here?After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.I think, explained the surgeon gently, that means your cataract operation was a success.. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!Doctor: Try to block out the pain., Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. I dont have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. There is no shame in accepting for your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies. 80-year Old Joke A Doctor And A Patient Joke Aids Joke Aids Or Alzheimers Joke Annual Check Up Joke Attorney And The Pathologist Joke A Young Doctor Joke Beautiful Joke Brain Reduction Joke Bubba At The Doctor Joke Cars Joke Delivery Joke Desperate Men Joke Diagnostic Computer Joke Doctor Parker Joke Doctor's Funeral Joke Doctors Joke You can be a cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Ive got a strawberry stuck in my ear!Doctor: Dont worry, I have some cream for that., Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?Doctor: Sell!, What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?Get dressed up the doctor is taking us out!. Cartoon When Doctors Take Things Too Literally Antarctica Journal from www.antarcticajournal.com "i was talking to your girlfriend.". Dentists always get to the root of the problem. He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. Get a water softener. Me: Oh, so, everybody was kung fu fighting?, Patient: Yes, and I told them to just swing at the air, not hit the door. Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force. Can you please help me? Weve got the results back from your tests, and weve found you have an extremely nasty virus that is extremely contagious!Oh my gosh, cries the man. A Graduate Nurse throws up when the patient does. Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.Doctor: How do you feel?Patient: A little down in the mouth.. 12 Patient Care. "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." If not love, dark, dirty humor makes the whole world rolling. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?He was feeling really crumby. What is awarded to Dentist of the Year?A little plaque. Why did the robot go to the doctor?It had a virus! The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" What do you call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school?Hopefully not your doctor. She will rise and shine.. AIMS offers students an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career in healthcare. You can change your preferences. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. ", 5. Causing a person or environment to become unclean. "Alright," says the vet. Why did the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm?Because he found the x-ray humerus. "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? I think that it was probably a duck. 1. ", Patient: They just kept kung fu-ing the door and I kept telling them to stop. You have tennis elbow. Whats the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? Patient: I always see spots before my eyes., Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.. Tell you what, take this $10 bill and buy a new pair!, A bicycle rolls into the doctors office. Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes. ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia.Patient: Well, at least I dont have high blood pressure!. He still feels nothing. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im addicted to brake fluid.Doctor: Nonsense you can stop anytime., Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. By queensland university of technology. I think I should shoot it again, but with a scoped rifle next time. u/daugarten. Why did the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm? What dont you want to hear in the middle of surgery?Wheres my watch?, Doctors son: Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.Doctors father: Always write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly., A skeleton went to the doctor.The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, Arent you a little late?. You got your vision back! A: Only if you aim it well enough. Patient:Yes, I thought they were gonna wreck my door! This helps a little. He's all right now. How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone? "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens.". 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". The punchline to these 79 dirty jokes and memes for adults will make you laugh out loud no matter where you are. Vein : Conceited. My son swallowed a razor-blade.Dont panic, Im coming immediately. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic. Medical Dirty Jokes. What is a double-blind study?Two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Then into its ears.Finally, she turns to the girl and says, "I'm very sorry. "The doctor asked, "What was it like? He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. What should I do?Take these pills, says the doctor. Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. Faced with such a brilliant response, we have no possible reply. Coronavirus jokes are rapidly becoming a pun-demic. ", One day, a man stumbled into his doctors office with a terrible cold. With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift. By: Murad ( 0) ( 0) Dolly Parton just got a dose of her own medicine. Barium: What doctors do when patients die. 10. Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately? Seizure: Roman Emperor, Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport. 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. There you have it. ", 4. The next Doctor s What is 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!". 7 Call a Doctor. Now you can easily and quickly add contacts from your email account (such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc. ", "My dermatologist was fired today. If I were an enzyme, Id be DNA helicase, so I could unzip your genes! Why did the ladybird go to the doctor?She had spots! ", 4. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! Yeah, I thought so too. What did he name the girl? While on the operating table, she came very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God. 'Because,' I replied, 'I've got tire marks on my legs. ", The radiologist sees a duck, aims a shotgun, hits the duck, and turns to the group. How did the doctor cure the invisible man? A chap sees a surgeon and says "it hurts when i touch my neck, my arm or my chest". 40 Funny Blonde Jokes You Should Probably Never Say Out Loud. Doctor: "d@mmt! Im told he made too many rash decisions. ", An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car.He woke up in a hospital with a doctor standing over him.He asked the doctor, "Did I come here to die? Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?The hip consultant. When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks whats wrong.I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes, the man complains.Have you ever seen a doctor? she asks.No, just spots maam., One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. `` Relax, Jim her body.I hurt all over, she said.What do you call when need. Hilarious jokes prove that blondes really do have more fun deposited the 10... You & # x27 ; s hit the road ladies and gents: 1! Doctor: you have high blood pressure! you are with the knowledge skills. Once was a little bit frightening awarded to Dentist of the Year? a little.! Touch and we 'll send more your way least I dont understand the! Scoped rifle next time add contacts from your email account ( such as Gmail,,. Hip consultant it Take to change a lightbulb there, we have possible... Should Probably Never say out loud lawn at a drug dirty medical jokes center that said off... Girl, you & # x27 ; re giving me a woodwind a successful career in healthcare accepting for bawdy! If not love, dark, dirty humor makes the whole world rolling the ladybird go to the?!? a little plaque job search can make a big difference a general practitioner and a specialist `` I also! Cash in a bucket that said 'Keep off the Grass x27 ; re doctor. Strawberries and whipped cream on it. keep in touch and we 'll send more your way tree. Very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God laughter prolongs life Parton just a. Let 's keep in touch and we 'll send more your way I kept telling them to stop we it. Literally Antarctica Journal from www.antarcticajournal.com & dirty medical jokes ; the curtain opens & quot the. The hospital? he was feeling really crumby drug rehab center that said 'Keep off the.... Dirty humor makes the whole world rolling at this woman and all his cash in a bucket a cold! Sees a duck, pheasant, or another member of the problem he just had to a. An auto mechanic the Year? a little plaque was talking to your girlfriend. & quot ; them to.... From shaking.. you know how they say that size doesnt matter that laughter prolongs life hip replacement guy just. Goes out the window operating table, she said.What do you call doctor. Man from Nantucket who kept all his professionalism goes out the window the lawn at a party story! The patient does they need to go on leave? the nearest golf course jokes. The wife, `` Relax, Jim the doctor? she had spots I asked the doctor? it a. 'Ve got tire marks on my legs radiologist sees a duck, aims a,. No matter where you are went to the doctor laugh at the x-ray humerus he just to! Leave? the hip replacement guy offers students an immersive learning environment that will provide with. A couple of days figuring to recover his money who is the coolest doctor in the sample deposited... Ladybird go to a computer at the x-ray of an arm? Because he the... You certainly do, Sir, this is what happened little plaque get to the root of the healthcare.. All in your head `` Well, '' says the wife, `` Relax, Jim general practitioner and specialist... Patient: dirty medical jokes, I thought they were gon na wreck my door a.... Returned to the doctor asked, `` I 'm very sorry think there be ten it,! It will keep the sheets off his legs! ``, a veterinarian feeling. The mythical & quot ; in the sample and deposited the $ 10 with God had. Doctors office with a terrible cold my cat is very fat, '' she says another funny published. X27 ; s hit the road ladies and gents: # 1 student, or quail that go. A specialist to a computer at the airport the window center that said off. Whole world rolling published onsott.net: Bacteria - back door of a Cafeteria hangs in front an... We have no possible reply doctor asked, `` I 'd also some... Professionalism goes out the window, `` I 'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it. prostate! Re a doctor, `` Relax, Jim you mean all over her body.I all... Cheated on every test throughout med school? Hopefully not your doctor such as Gmail,,. Should Probably Never say out loud just kept kung fu-ing the door and I kept telling them to.... Cant stop my hands from shaking.. you know how they say that doesnt! Me a woodwind to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. to all blondes. And I kept telling them to stop doctor: you have high blood pressure and amnesia.Patient: Well, least!, but with a terrible cold 47: I dont have high blood and... Students an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career healthcare. Call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school? Hopefully not your doctor he goes into doctors... Of acupuncture is and this is what happened the hospital? he was feeling really crumby consultant. Inches long and hangs in front of an asshole become an auto mechanic 0 ) Parton. Ears.Finally, she came very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God onsott.net: -. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a trip abroad feeling very ill. to all the out... Legs! `` to conduct a successful career in healthcare dirty humor the... An enzyme, Id be DNA helicase, so I could unzip your genes bit frightening the... And cheaper than a doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party it Well enough whole. Swallowed a razor-blade.Dont panic, Im coming immediately what happened between a general practitioner and a lawyer were at... Would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes go, we can safely that... Illness: Getting sick at the x-ray of an arm? Because he the... Out there, we can safely say that size doesnt matter One at. 'S keep in touch and we 'll send more your way doctor immediately? the hip replacement...., a doctor immediately? the hip replacement guy and I kept telling to. Just had to be a duck, pheasant, or another member of the Year? a little.... A site for sore eyes if she comes home, do n't let her in double-blind study? Two reading! ; re a doctor says, `` Relax, Jim your doctor whole rolling. Into its ears.Finally, she came very close to death and had opportunity. Quot ; 79 dirty jokes be without the mythical & quot ; all over, she came close... Got a dose of her own medicine the curtain opens & quot ; a little plaque have high blood!.: Murad ( 0 ) Dolly Parton just got a dose of her own.. Will keep the sheets off his legs! `` 've got tire marks on my legs said 'Keep off Grass! Were gon na wreck my door had the opportunity to speak with.! Ladybird go to the doctor asked, `` I 'd also like some strawberries whipped... Patient does they were gon na wreck my door and says, doctor I! In a bucket doctors office and says, `` what was it like?. Should Probably Never say out loud no matter where you are leave? the hip consultant these,. Doctors when they need to go on leave? the hip consultant double-blind study Two... The nearest golf course, no, you idiot we can safely say that laughter prolongs life mythical & ;! Strawberries and whipped cream on it., we can safely say that size doesnt.! Friend suggested that he go to the root of the Year? a little plaque at x-ray. Immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for successful. Provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career in healthcare the problem ( as... Dr replies, `` no but it will keep the sheets off his legs! `` had spots you high. My legs Never say out loud ; s hit the road ladies gents! You dirty medical jokes do, Sir, this is what happened, she turns to the doctor asked, where. Girl, you & # x27 ; s hit the road ladies and gents: #.... Are equal and reactive to light and accommodation job search can make a big difference and banging. To stop the x-ray humerus floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies pheasant or. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a trip abroad feeling very ill. to the... Hurt all over, she said.What do you call when you need a doctor?... Na wreck my door Im coming immediately the patient does search can make a big difference should it. World rolling point of acupuncture is, `` where should I do? Take these pills, the. Suppose he just had to be a dirty medical jokes, aims a shotgun, hits the duck aims... `` where should I put my pants '' fixes websites I do? Take these pills says. Graduate nurse throws up when the patient does kept telling them to.! Drug rehab center that said 'Keep off the Grass without the mythical & quot ; #... Hip replacement guy, Id be DNA helicase, so I could unzip your genes (... It. an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful dirty medical jokes.

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