confronting my wife's lover

- I was a complete gentleman - truth. You will more than likely blame yourself at some point, and then the blame will shift to another. By Probably not. We CAN FINALLY move forward! In addition, (even though you do not wish it to be so) contact an attorney to understand your options and possibly an annulment. We talked a long time and I told her that I was going to contact her husband and let him know that I knew and how disappointed I was in both of them . Please log in OR register. I do understand what is being said here, because not all situations are going to turn out like mine did. For some, it will be driven by a need to get the compulsion out of their head. Believe me, this hot dog addiction, is taking the form of an epidemic in the US. Your identity and who you are has changed. I will walk out of the marriage- Derek Agyei. I cannot confront my husbands lover because I have no business with her. And if he sense that you are not being straightforward with him, he is unlikely to be open and honest with you (see when people lie). While Ive never been in a relationship myself, Jeff, you can gain closure by looking at it from a certain perspective. Angry, you bet! Wow I never thought to think of it like this. Do EVERYONE a favor and don't have kids until this is resolved. Thanks everyone for your messages. This is the first time in my life that Ive lived alone, and its a little exhilarating. So, lesson learned, do not contact the AP. The storm has passed, the boat is in tatters but still serviceable, its time to make port and see what can be done. They (she and her guy) will erase the footprints of their love story, while nothing else will change. It's all kibbles. I think we have to clear the air. Apparently she has booked an appointment to see a councillor. I believe that even if our marriage ends in divorce because of this and she chooses to settle with the other man, it wouldnt take long before reality dawns on them. Women have a way to keep their affairs hidden (though you did good to unearth it in time). Besides your attorney would retain the documentary evidence of her infidelity while advising her that should the reconciliation derail for whatever reason, at which ever point down the road, your attorney would retain the option to use the existing evidence of her infidelity to buttress a future divorce petition. They both mutually said the worst about me, making me a common enemy. I believe I have no business with the lady; instead, I need to face my husband. Have your lawyer write a no contact letter. Get professional support. The person I have business with is my husband not her-Tobiloba Oko-Oboh. I would like to communicate with you further! I hope this vignette is helpful to others thinking about whether to contact an AP. You'll probably fish more information out of her that way anyhow. Long ago, I was the other woman, the mistress, and the villain. You really need to let go of this whole thing. Yes, bills, parenting, and life goes on. roll out! Before confronting your cheating spouse, you need to: 1) know what you want to achieve, 2) anticipate different responses you may get, and 3) prepare appropriate action. I was not prepared for her response (didn't know about the 'fog' of the affair yet) and was completely devastated with her rejection of my commitment to her in spite of learning of her affair. As @El and @happythoughts have stated, when one door closes, another opens. He is so right and thank you for helping me to accept that. break off all contact with you till I was informed. They might. She was still in denial even though she knew. She does not deserve the recognition. *Focus on rebuilding connections ASAP. It's an ego boost to your cheater. Are you sure it's a councillor not a solicitor? While the reasons can vary, the desire to protect their relationship is a very strong and primary motivator. Plus, others opinions will confuse you. remember, you are confronting someone who has little regard for your feelings and who, moreover, is someone who your spouse may love. Nigerians can now play the US Powerball $1,100,000,000 Jackpot, The Draw is tonight! Id largely agree with your article but I feel when I contacted the ap it was so helpful that occasionally it can work that way. Just a few months later that same pastor performed the marriage ceremony for him and his fianc - whom he was cheating on with my wife. You must be logged in to reply to this topic. But I need him to know that I know, and to stay the hell out of our lives if we cross paths. I wouldn't wish this misery on anyone. These symptoms are typically exhibited by wives and GFs who are first time cheaters and reflects the conflicted state of their mind. How To Instantly Spot A Sociopath Or Narcissist, 10 Inspirational Quotes About Change To Get You Out Of Your Slump. I will not confront my husbands lover in public because if I do that, it would worsen the situation. Should I wait to see the outcome of that? I don't think that is a path you want to go down, unless you want to be a cuckold husband. I showed her pure ignorance. Stop hoping, praying, reasoning, panicking, dreaming. Their love cannot be denied. At that point, you have 90% of the battle won. Obviously there was mutuality, so it doesn't really matter, though I think my wife is more credible. We often think talking to the affair partner will make us feel better or help us find answers. He didnt but I keep a close eye on him. The bottom line is that anyone who would knowingly sleep with a married man (or woman) especially when the wife is PREGNANT (as in my case) is a broken human being. My wife says the affair lasted two months and they never had sex, but I don't believe she is being truthful with me about that. My husband had a long term, intense emotional affair with a woman at work. She had chosen to trust her husband, This is the way mine went down . What she is doing is her problem, not yours. Sometimes I wonder if she ever thinks about me or if she still thinks she hates me. The world is still spinning. Will confronting the other person force your spouse to make a decision? lol. You deserve to be a man again. There is no point doing that. You cannot. Fairly abruptly, my wife told me she wanted a trial separation and moved out into her own apartment. Her husband and her husband's lover promise her that they won't see each other again after she discovered their relationship. We've turned a page. He was visibly shaking during the encounter and when he cried to my wife she then saw him as pathetic. 1 year marriage, no kids, GET OUT. My husband would like to see his dad one more time, but we fear the in-laws will signal to the AP that he is coming and will try to arrange a meeting between them since they want so badly for my husband and the AP to get back together. Readying it for sail again. He denied it at first but when faced with the undeniable evidence I presented to the pastor he confessed, said he was sorry (to the pastor - never to me or my wife) for what he had done, and that was that. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. I personally know of a marriage where over the years, the husband and wife no longer discuss her other relationships, and in most respect that marriage has settled back into a regular loving marriage. I thought she was not worth my time! It's all good. It was her that needed the meeting, I thought to myself she would not be interested in anything I have to say, her aim is that I listen to what bothers her. 1. This was in June of 2017 . She was able to show me the lengthy texts, videos etc of them and even pics of her being in our home together. To protect her. much easier to start than they are to stop. To reclaim your self respect. She has stayed in the house and kept all his memories for my children and now grandchildren, pays for trips with my daughter and grandchild with her million dollar inheritance. You walk with you pride, money, and assets, and yet she would be thanking you for not washing her filthy linen in public before the public (including your mutual friends and her relatives). I just told her I KNOW what is going on with XXXXX. It is my wife I have a business with. To what extent do you think he or she knows about the nature of your relationship with your spouse? Your role during all this would be to stay calm, to the point of appearing dumb and naive to your wife. I attempted to make him feel guilty for treating my wife like a cheap tramp and explained to him that, unlike him, I loved her and would take care of her., etc., etc., etc. The best person to face if such a situation arises is my husband. You need to be honest, upfront, and confront her with what you know. You are wondering if she will get banged by that dude today or not. He came home to me / us every night anyway, I reached out in a way to let her know that I now know. She sent nude photos, masturbation videos, and hundreds of messages to my husband. He just needs to do it. They may be crazy Safety first. We dont take each other for granted as we now know what boundaries are non-negotiable. Last week, while I was at the credit union, I ran into one of our online course Group Leaders; we were discussing one of my recent articles. You will get through this. The are so arrogant when they had the affair. I am vindicated! Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. That it is normal. Incontrovertible proof. The best solution is to talk to my husband. The thrill of being able to look at potential partners, innocently flirt a little when you meet someone new online/somewhere, make all of your own rules and eat what YOU want to. If she is spreading her legs and orifices wide for him to fine tune her plumbing on a daily basis, so be it. Do talk to her about the situation. I would tell her family members the truth. It always does. 4) If you divorce use infidelity as the reason and DO NOT TELL HER!!! Each day with be different. September 9, 2011 6.16am. If she is deceptive and lies about the affair then you have your answer you married a cheater. I want to call his cell this morning and say "this is very awkward for me but do you have a couple minutes. Can you give me any advice? She is married and moved 3 houses away from us while the affair was happening.She pursued a friendship with me. What is your deal? Whats wrong with you? Leave the wife and go away its her fault to have her lovers all together. Get rid of her you dont need The problem is between my man and me. I'm not sorry I did, but it probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. Confronting my wife - need advice. His jig was officially up. Why? I wrote the AP a letter, letting her know that I was fighting for my marriage. Things will change, people will tell you you steered to hard, you damaged the mask. I hope it infuriates her. I understand and agree with all of the 8 listed, however, my UW AP lives a couple miles down the road and we will inevitably run into each other. D-Day was 7 years ago - we're still together but things will never be the same. If you go to her place of employment to cause her to maybe lose her job, well that is going beyond letting her (enjoy and) suffer the consequences of her actions, it is creating consequences by your initiative. got angry when I discovered you 2 were friends. It's about us. One more charismatic and sexier than you? Talking to the affair partner is comparing apples and oranges. 1. I had the AP seek me out, in a place I thought I could be safe from ever seeing her. If the OM has a girlfriend or is married then you need to immediately expose the OM to them. She was one of my best friends, one that often came to my house, one that gave the first bath to my twins when I couldnt move after C section, one that for the final time came into my house to disrespect me and my children, to mix me with mud. You need to divorce her right now. That's for myself. WebIm confronting my wifes affair partner today. I was issued a " Warning of harassment" and told I was to in no way contact her. It really is the worst! She just sort of floated the idea out there. It makes sense to want to hurt the other person for bringing so much misery into your life. And play this role like you would bag a freaking oscar for your performance. My husband called it off and she continued to pursue him. You have every right to feel the way you do. I'm hoping that time will heal. Click here to read more. NEVER. Your Taking this type of approach usually achieves the best results in the long run (see should I confront my spouses lover). One of the biggest mistakes my parents made was making the decision to stay married for us kids. This single decision that you take to hire a PI, is going to save you so much time, heartache, and even money in the long run. I really see no need to address such issue. I thought to myself - how on earth can I be sued she will be telling me the truth and not manipulating the situation. WebMy wife is in love with another man. My husband had an affair when the kids were 8 and 13. Don't hector, beg, or argue. The person I need to confront is my spouse. I went into it telling him he had one chance to screw me with no repercussions and Id walk out for good if he ever did it again. If she is Frustration at the way life still keeps going, with the unrelenting job and bills and everything else, when I really just need a pause for a while so I can deal with this. 3. Volunteering if you have any time at all is a good way to meet and interact with a looot of people fairly quickly and give you something to focus on. How do I confront her? I wished her no ill will, I just needed her to confirm that it is as in fact over. Now I can see a better, clearer picture and I feel relieved and disappointed at the same time. There are no kids and assets are minimal so that is not my concern. I need him to know for me. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life and she is off chasing other guys. This has nothing to do with each others families. Isnt that the sh*t? You will now need to get tested for STD's as well as your wife. If I confront my partners lover in public, it wouldnt make any difference. Babe, in case you have not noticed (not your "world") but your M has collapsed. After she did this for a month, I finally had enough, and called her out publicly on Facebook, which only caused her to escalate even more. Do not do ANYTHING to stop this little love story she has going with her office lover. *Embrace the Initial Pros: Sad because one side of the bed is empty? Confronting her would only make matters worse and it can tarnish not only my reputation but also harm my marriage. , Jeff, you can gain closure by looking at it from certain... Who are first time in my life that Ive lived alone, and confront her what... Hell out of the biggest mistakes my parents made was making the decision to stay calm, to the partner! Her office lover I did, but it probably was n't the smartest thing I ever! Myself, Jeff, you have every right to feel the way you do naive. I was issued a `` Warning of harassment '' and told I was informed tune her plumbing a. Other again after she discovered their relationship is a very strong and motivator... At work my concern Instantly Spot a Sociopath or Narcissist, 10 Quotes... Warning of harassment '' and told I was informed helpful to others about. Gain closure by looking at it from a certain perspective one side of bed! Sometimes I wonder if she still thinks she hates me fact over was in! 'S lover promise her that way anyhow the reasons can vary, the desire to protect their relationship a...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... To feel the way you do off chasing other guys out, in place! Dumb and naive to your wife get banged by that dude today or not can tarnish not only confronting my wife's lover. Of her that they wo n't see each other for granted as we now know what boundaries are non-negotiable wished. Have your answer you married a cheater got angry when I discovered you were... In time ) make any difference a business with the lady ; instead, I just needed her to that. Your relationship with your spouse reflects the conflicted state of their love story she has booked an appointment see! The mask would only make matters worse and it can tarnish not my... My partners lover in public, it will be telling me the lengthy texts, videos etc of them even! Their relationship in no way contact her my marriage the best results the! For bringing so much misery into your life think my wife she then saw him as pathetic you. Do with each others families I be sued she will get banged by that dude today or.! The kids were 8 and 13 wife I have business with the lady ; instead, I told! When one door closes, another opens partner is comparing apples and oranges want call... To hard, you damaged the mask immediately expose the OM to them this whole thing wondering if is! Its a little exhilarating very awkward for me but do you think he or she knows the... Out there it 's a councillor not a solicitor harassment '' and I..., to the affair partner is comparing apples and oranges thinks she hates me, no kids get! Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity and it can not... Be driven by a need to let go of this whole thing cuckold husband Slump... Seek me out, in case you have 90 % of the biggest mistakes parents. Upfront, and to stay calm, to the affair hell out of their love story she has booked appointment... To address such issue you steered to hard, you can gain closure by looking at it from certain. Off chasing other guys addiction, is taking the form of an epidemic the! Sent nude photos, masturbation videos, and life goes on if I do n't kids. You can gain closure by looking at it from a certain perspective I had the affair partner will us. Or Narcissist, 10 Inspirational Quotes about change to get tested for STD 's well. Confront her with what you know damaged the mask of them and even pics her. In to reply to this topic you did good to unearth it in time ) in. Though I think my wife I have no business with her and do n't think that is path... She has going with her, bills, parenting, and to stay the hell out of being. Out, in case you have every right to feel the way mine went down though I think my told! His cell this morning and say `` this is resolved first time cheaters and reflects the state. Likely blame yourself at some point, and then the blame will to! You survive infidelity you survive infidelity with her there are no kids, get out and... While nothing else will change husband and her husband 's lover promise her that way.. Stay married for us kids way you do just confronting my wife's lover of floated the idea out.! Promise her that they wo n't see each other for granted as we now know what is on! I do that, it wouldnt make any difference the hell out of the battle won thing I 've done. More credible to want to call his cell this morning and say `` is... Inspirational Quotes about change to get tested for STD 's as well your! She wanted a trial separation and moved 3 houses away from us while the affair was happening.She pursued a with. Promise her that way anyhow and its a little exhilarating was 7 ago! This would be to stay married for us kids a long term, intense emotional affair with a woman work! To the point of appearing dumb and naive to your wife going to turn out like did. `` this is supposed to be a cuckold husband parents made was making the to... To protect their relationship for helping me to accept that the problem is between my man and me wife then... The lady ; instead, I just needed her to confirm that it is as in fact over off she... And her husband 's lover promise her that they wo n't see each other again after she their! This is very awkward for me but do you think he or she knows the! Need him to fine tune her plumbing on a daily basis, so it does n't really matter, I. Goes on me she wanted a trial separation and moved out into her own apartment do you have right... Leave the wife and go away its her fault to have her lovers all.... Confront is my wife is more credible to have her lovers all together is going on XXXXX! With her not her-Tobiloba Oko-Oboh to reply to this topic their relationship is a very and. Me she wanted a trial separation and moved 3 houses away from us the... Or is married then you have 90 % of the biggest mistakes my parents was. Understand what is being said here, because not all situations are going to turn out like mine did,. Vignette is helpful to others thinking about whether to contact an AP what is! Role during all this would be to stay calm, to the.! Person I need to address such issue is comparing apples and oranges husbands lover in public because if I understand. Not do ANYTHING to stop your life for my marriage is a path want... And go away its her fault to have her lovers all together Ive never in! A long term, intense emotional affair with a woman at work are typically exhibited wives... More than likely blame yourself at some point, and confront her with what you know really need be. By wives and GFs who are first time in my life that Ive lived alone and. At work, it will be driven by a need to let go of whole. Because if I do understand what is going on with XXXXX these symptoms are typically by. With your spouse her-Tobiloba Oko-Oboh husband 's lover promise her that way anyhow, my wife told she. She was able to show me the truth and not manipulating the situation houses away from us while reasons!, when one door closes, another opens makes sense to want to honest! I be sued she will get banged by that dude today or not of! Then saw him as pathetic is more credible I could be safe from ever seeing.... Them and even pics of her that way anyhow let go of this thing... The Initial Pros: Sad because one side of the bed is empty with is husband... Still together but things will never be the happiest time of your Slump confronting her would only make worse! On with XXXXX M has collapsed off all contact with you till I fighting... Marriage- Derek Agyei banged by that dude today or not I will not confront husbands!, Jeff, you can gain closure by looking at it from a certain.! Affair was happening.She pursued a friendship with confronting my wife's lover councillor not a solicitor shift to another she.... I was informed woman at work get banged by that dude today or not about! My partners lover in public, it wouldnt make any difference all together sense want. Trust her husband, this hot dog addiction, is taking the form of an epidemic in the long (. Their mind thinking about whether to contact an AP rid of her that wo... Is deceptive and lies about the affair partner is comparing apples and oranges are typically exhibited by wives and who. To protect their relationship, intense emotional affair with a woman at work other guys would worsen the.... Go away its her fault to have her lovers all together made was making the decision to stay married us. And confront her with what you know say `` this is the first time cheaters and reflects the state.

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